Bears v Seahawks: 11-18-07

BEARS VS. SEAHAWKS: 11-18-07

Des: Welcome to another edition of the Chicago Bears football pre-game show. The Bears face off against the Seattle Seahawks after defeating the Oakland Raiders with acceptable defense and one good pass from Rex Grossman. Will Chicago be able run the table by catching seven consecutive teams looking past the Bears? Or will Kyle Ortin be the topic of next week’s quarterback controversy?

To answer these and similar questions is our panel of experts: Concord Wainwright Peabody, Captain Silas Charles Cobra Commander Red-beard, Modre the font of trans-Western wisdom, the Prissy Minion, and tailgater extraordinaire, Drunky Mc Dumb-ass.

SR: ARRRH, mateys! Sailing off the Pacific Coast, a Seahawk deposited sacred guano upon me red bandana. Therefore, the Bears will defeat the Seahawks in a 13-10 nail-biter… or, in my case, a hook-buffing, which truly be a soothing way to release nervous energy before engaging a Carnival cruise ship on the field of battle. Oh, the shuffle board decks ‘twill be soaked with the blood of unsuspecting tourists, laddies!

Des: Drunky Mc Dumb-ass. What’s happening in tailgate-land?

DMD: Uh, I passed out drunk and somebody duct taped me naked to an elevator floor. At least I think it’s an elevator. Go Bears!

Des: Modre. What are your thoughts?

Modre: The hand that caresses can also slap. Or give a karate chop to the solar plexus.

Des: Concord Peabody. Who will win?

CWP: Well, the Bears are 15-4 lifetime against teams whose coach weighs more than their offensive line. Go Bears!

Des: Prissy Minion. How do you want to finish this off?

PM: As Jacques Derrida once said, “As soon as there is language, generality has entered the scene.” Unless it’s one of your tapes, Des, which are delightfully random!

Des: Uh… sit back and watch as the Bears grapple in a match that will make you reconsider what it means to be human! Or… something slightly less pretentious.