Bears v Lions: 10-28-07

BEARS VS. LIONS: 10-28-07

Des: Welcome to another edition of the Chicago Bears football pre-game show. The Bears face off against the Detroit Lions in a game that may avenge Chicago’s embarrassing fourth quarter collapse in week 4. Will the Bears offense and defense be so vanilla that the opposing team will be lulled into a deep slumber, enabling the Bears to win during the last ten minutes of play? Or will the Bears 4-second defense fail to restrain the Lions’ offense?

To answer these and similar questions is our panel of experts: Concord Wainwright Peabody, Captain Silas Charles “the Cure” Red-beard, Modre the font of trans-Western wisdom, the Prissy Minion, and tailgater extraordinaire, Drunky Mc Dumb-ass.

SR: ARRRH, mateys! Since damaging me gastro-intestinal tract is the only way I can devise accurate predictions, I swallowed 1 ¾ cups of Clorox 2, which I normally use to swab the poop deck to unsuccessfully prevent scabies. Me “upset” pick: the Miami Dolphins will defeat the New York Giants across the pond in a match that will truly display the best of American football to our English cousins… upon whom I will soon wreak a horrible vengeance for their naval atrocities during the War of 1812!

Des: Drunky Mc Dumb-ass. What’s happening in tailgate-land?

DMD: I’m sitting in Bears jail for throwing a beer bottle at Joe Buck. Or maybe it was some kid. Go Bears!

Des: Modre. What are your thoughts?

Modre: What a fool believes he sees, no wise man has the power to reason away. Not even one with the combined wisdom of Shuma-Gorath and Vishnu!

Des: Concord Peabody. Who will win?

CWP: Well, the Bears are 13-3 lifetime against teams whose combined income exceeds the entire city of Detroit. Go Bears!

Des: Prissy Minion. How do you want to finish this off?

PM: As Camus once said, “Man is the only creature who refuses to be what he is.” And what are you, Des?

Des: Uh… sit back and watch your hypnotic Soldier Field snow globe as the Bears grapple in a match that will answer questions you shouldn’t have asked!