BEARS VS. RAIDERS: 11-11-07
Des: Welcome to another edition of the Chicago Bears football pre-game show. The Bears face off against the Oakland Raiders after having two weeks to ponder their loss against Detroit. Will the Bears be able to defeat another lackluster team? Or will Chicago sports fans have to find some other bandwagon to jump on?
To answer these and similar questions is our panel of experts: Concord Wainwright Peabody, Captain Silas Charles “CAVE-MAAAAN!” Red-beard, Modre the font of trans-Western wisdom, the Prissy Minion, and tailgater extraordinaire, Drunky Mc Dumb-ass.
SR: ARRRH, mateys! This Sunday, the Bears must engage me beloved Raiders on the field of battle. I must betray me nautical heritage and predict a Bears victory against a team that would fail to terrify even the scurvy Captain Squiffy DuFluffypants and His Merry Margarita Mariners.
Des: Drunky Mc Dumb-ass. What’s happening in tailgate-land?
DMD: The flames from my trash can BBQ have escaped and are burning down my Bears trailer. Luckily, my kids are spread out with my various ex wives. Go Bears!
Des: Modre. What’s the Bears wining formula?
Modre: The square root of infinity divided by zero. Or a better turnover ratio.
Des: Concord Peabody. Who will win?
CWP: Well, the Bears are 17-6 lifetime against teams whose fans’ alcohol consumption exceeds that of Russia. Go Bears!
Des: Prissy Minion. How do you want to finish this off?
PM: As Michel Foucault once said, “The power to punish is not essentially different from that of curing or educating.” Or sports broadcasting.
Des: Uh… sit back and watch as the Bears grapple in a match that will dazzle your senses and challenge your mind! Or make you bloated and sleepy.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment