BEARS VS. VIKINGS: 10-14-07
Des: Welcome to another edition of the Chicago Bears football pre-game show. The Bears face off against the Minnesota Vikings, a team plagued by injured quarterbacks and locker room fights. Will the Bears take advantage of this opportunity to go 3-3? Or will the Bears offense score more points for the Vikings than the Vikings offense?
To answer these and similar questions is our panel of experts: Concord Wainwright Peabody, Captain Silas Charles Red-rum Red-beard, Modre font of trans-Western wisdom, the Prissy Minion, and tailgater extraordinaire, Drunky Mc Dumb-ass.
SR: ARRRH, mateys! After stirring me slop bucket with the Silver Oar of Long John Silver, an image forms of the Colts defeating the Lions.
Des: Uh, Captain, the Colts and Lions both have bye weeks this Sunday.
SR: Are ye challenging me authority, Des? You’ll be dancing the hempen jig for your impudence!
Des: Meaning what?
SR: You’ll be hung, Des. Try to keep up with the hip new lingo all the cabin boys are using.
Des: Drunky Mc Dumb-ass. What’s happening in tailgate-land?
DMD: My Bears Winnebago was ransacked while I was passed out. Go Bears!
Des: Modre. What are your thoughts?
Modre: The Bears must leave their happy space and find their angry space that dwells within all NFL players.
Des: Concord Peabody. Who will win?
CWP: Well, the Bears are 16-7 lifetime against teams with Astroturf made by the Monsanto Corporation. Go Bears!
Des: Prissy Minion. How do you want to finish this off?
PM: As Immanuel Kant once said, "Only the descent into the hell of self-knowledge can pave the way to godliness.” Does this remind you of someone you know, Des?
Des: Sit back and watch in your crushed velour Bears Polo shirt and don’t pass out drunk, unless you want to awaken as a Pod person - - or a Raiders fan.
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