Bears v Cowboys 9-23-07

BEARS VS. COWBOYS: 9-23-07

Des: Welcome to another edition of the Chicago Bears football pre-game show. The Bears face off against the Dallas Cowboys, a team that is struggling mightily with a 2-0 record after the departures of Drew Bledsoe and the Big Tuna. Will the Bears defense prevent the Cowboys’ offense--- and Bears’ offense--- from scoring 40 points against them? Or will the turnover ratio be 10 to 7 in the Cowboys’ favor?

To answer these and similar questions is our panel of experts: Concord Wainwright Peabody, Captain Silas Charles “Bubble-vicious” Red-beard, Modre the font of trans-Western wisdom, the Prissy Minion, and tailgater extraordinaire, Drunky Mc Dumb-ass.

SR: ARRRH, mateys! Ye stand accused before Captain Red-beard’s drum-head court of football infamy. The AFC east division will not win a single game this season, with the exception of the New England Patriots. What must you do to save yourselves? Fall on your one good knee and plead for the mercy of this court, and, maybe, just maybe, I’ll reveal the frequencies to Coach Belichek’s headsets.

Des: Drunky Mc Dumb-ass. What’s happening in tailgate-land?

DMD: I burned a bunch of lines on my face after passing out on my grill. Go Bears!

Des: Modre. What are your thoughts?

Modre: When the Bears offense and defense are linked together like the hands that once crossed America and solved the homeless crisis, then even once-disposable heroes will transcend their obvious limitations.

Des: Concord Peabody. Who will win?

CWP: Well, the Bears are 7-4 lifetime against teams who have a 20 point IQ differential with the Bears. Notice I didn’t say in which direction. Go Bears!

Des: Prissy Minion. How do you want to finish this off?

PM: As Nietzsche said, “Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies”. I don’t think they mean criminal convictions. I hope.

Des: Sit back and watch on your “Oooo, I’m so cool” I-pod as the Bears face off in a clash that will mark an important turning point… in your doomed marriage.