BEARS VS LIONS: 12-30-2012
Des: Welcome to another edition of the Chicago Bears football pre-game show. The Bears face off against the Detroit Lions in a must-win game. Will the Bears defeat the Lions by repeating last week’s winning formula of a strong passing game to Brandon Marshall, an opportunistic defense, and good field position? Or will the call go forth for the one-two punch of Rex Ryan and a new mediocre quarterback miscast as the next big thing? To answer these and similar questions is our panel of experts: Concord Wainwright Peabody, Captain Silas Charles “Orthographic Matrix” Redbeard, Modre the trans-Western guru, the Prissy Minion, and Internet hall monitor, Sally McChesty.
SR: ARRRH, mateys! In order for the Bears to skulk into the playoffs, 60 teams must lose this Sunday. Luckily, one of those teams is the Cubs. But, seriously, folks, as a drunken sea pirate, I’m accustomed to having my fate placed in the hands of forces beyond my control. Unfortunately, those forces turn out to be my personal demons, more often than not. So… what must the Bears do? Lovie Smith should delegate coaching the Bears game to his subordinates, and instead turn his focus to hexing the Vikings through his TV set in the Bears locker room, doing whatever rituals have been taught to us by Bud Light commercials, whether it be listening to Stevie Wonder, rubbing a rabbit’s foot, spinning the Bud Light label toward the TV, or experiencing horrible flashbacks of how the Packers beat the Bears two weeks ago and somehow reimagining the Bears jerseys as Vikings jerseys and muttering “Rex Grossman is our quarterback” while rocking back and forth in a fetal position.
Des: Concord Peabody. Who will win today’s game?
CWP: Des, Brian Urlacher is still out with an injury, Calvin Johnson is 108 yards away from being the first player in history to reach 2,000 receiving yards in one season, and the Lions would love to be the team that knocks the Bears out of contention and Lovie Smith out of a job. That said, the Bears will still win 38-10. Unfortunately, the Vikings will also win: 23-21.
Des: Kind of a downer, Concord. Modre. What are your thoughts?
Modre: Nietzsche once said that, “It is impossible to suffer without making someone pay for it; every complaint already contains revenge.” If this is so, Jay Mariotti’s vengeance is to be more feared than even Dick Cheney’s.
Des: Sally McChesty. We asked you to cull the Internet for insights from the blogosphere. What do you have for us?
SMC: Here are some gems for you, Des:
“A few former Bears have done pretty well as coaches: Jim Harbaugh, Leslie Fraser, and even Sean Payton, if you count spare Bears. Why not Ron Rivera, or, hell, I’d take Mike Tomczak as head coach at this point.”
“Jay Cutler is the best quarterback the Bears have had in the color television era, sadly.”
“The Bears will beat Detroit, only to lose to the Packers the following week.”
“Given that the Bears started with a 7-1 record before ending up 9-6, what the Bears need most in 2013 is a strike-shortened season.”
Des: Thank you, Sally. Drunky McDumbAss. How are things in tailgate land?
DMD: Des, I’m in the awkward position of having to cheer for the Packers this week before having to cheer against them next week. Fortunately, I have my good friend alcohol to resolve this dilemma for me.
Des: Prissy Minion. Bring this in for a landing on an ice-coated runway, won’t you?
PM: Des, you’re the funniest non-Canadian sports commentator. Your comedy paints a picture using nothing but primary colors. Blue is a primary color, right?
Des: Sit back and watch as the Bears face off in a game brought to you by Blizzak Tires: If you can write your name in the snow, it’s time for winter tires.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Bears vs. Cardinals: 12-23-2012
BEARS VS CARDINALS: 12-23-2012
Des: Welcome to another edition of the Chicago Bears football pre-game show. The Bears face off against their arch-nemesis the Arizona Cardinals after eliminating themselves from the playoffs last week. Will the Bears manage to win their last two games against mediocre teams? And will this be enough to save Coach Lovie Smith’s job? To answer these and similar questions is our panel of experts: Concord Wainwright Peabody, Captain Silas Charles “The Silence” Redbeard, Modre the trans-Western guru, the Prissy Minion, and puff-piece maestro, Sally McChesty.
SR: ARRRH, mateys! Once again, the Bears suffer yet enough late season decline and collapse. I’ve not seen this sort of slow degradation since the Roman, Byzantine, Ottoman, Austro-Hungarian, British, Soviet, and possibly… American… empires. What must the Bears do? If history must be misapplied again to an irrelevant context, I would say, in chronological order, avoid used lead plumbing, build better defenses against the Turks and the Crusaders, don’t rely on a army of slaves, avoid the perils of nationalism if you have a multi-ethnic empire that’s in the way of two other empires, don’t over-extend a sea-based empire and try to avoid being bankrupted by two world wars, don’t enact sweeping reforms without developing a broad base of support, and don’t over-borrow from the Chinese. Although, in truth, the Bears just need a better offensive line.
Des: Concord Peabody. Who will win today’s game?
CWP: Des, the Bears are 75-42 against teams in cities where the average age of its residents is a hundred and nineteen, nineteen, na na na na, nineteen, nineteen.
Des: All those who remember that reference, they won’t forget what they’ve seen. Destruction of comedy in its prime…
SR: None of us will receive a hero’s welcome, either. And rightfully so. Season’s beatings, ye wretched land-lubbers!
Des: Welcome to another edition of the Chicago Bears football pre-game show. The Bears face off against their arch-nemesis the Arizona Cardinals after eliminating themselves from the playoffs last week. Will the Bears manage to win their last two games against mediocre teams? And will this be enough to save Coach Lovie Smith’s job? To answer these and similar questions is our panel of experts: Concord Wainwright Peabody, Captain Silas Charles “The Silence” Redbeard, Modre the trans-Western guru, the Prissy Minion, and puff-piece maestro, Sally McChesty.
SR: ARRRH, mateys! Once again, the Bears suffer yet enough late season decline and collapse. I’ve not seen this sort of slow degradation since the Roman, Byzantine, Ottoman, Austro-Hungarian, British, Soviet, and possibly… American… empires. What must the Bears do? If history must be misapplied again to an irrelevant context, I would say, in chronological order, avoid used lead plumbing, build better defenses against the Turks and the Crusaders, don’t rely on a army of slaves, avoid the perils of nationalism if you have a multi-ethnic empire that’s in the way of two other empires, don’t over-extend a sea-based empire and try to avoid being bankrupted by two world wars, don’t enact sweeping reforms without developing a broad base of support, and don’t over-borrow from the Chinese. Although, in truth, the Bears just need a better offensive line.
Des: Concord Peabody. Who will win today’s game?
CWP: Des, the Bears are 75-42 against teams in cities where the average age of its residents is a hundred and nineteen, nineteen, na na na na, nineteen, nineteen.
Des: All those who remember that reference, they won’t forget what they’ve seen. Destruction of comedy in its prime…
SR: None of us will receive a hero’s welcome, either. And rightfully so. Season’s beatings, ye wretched land-lubbers!
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Bears vs. Packers: 12-16-2012
BEARS VS. PACKERS: 12-16-2012
Des: Welcome to another edition of the Chicago Bears football pre-game show. The Bears face off against their arch-nemesis the Green Bay Packers after a difficult loss to the Minnesota Vikings. Will the Bears finally find the key to defeating the Green Bay Packers? Or will five interceptions that result in no points be the greatest gift Bears fans can expect to receive? To answer these and similar questions is our panel of experts: Concord Wainwright Peabody, Captain Silas Charles “Dog Star” Redbeard, Modre the trans-Western guru, the Prissy Minion, and this year’s sexy Mrs. Claus, Sally McChesty,
SR: ARRRH, mateys! Well, Des, like the legendary Brett Favre, I’ve “started” every game on this particular broadcast since 2002. But, also, like good old Number 4, I’m getting old and tired and forcing the comedic ball too many times only to be intercepted repeatedly. Therefore, Bears win 22-21.
Des: Concord Peabody. Who will win today’s game?
CWP: Well, Des, on paper, everything seems to be against the Bears today: Clay Matthews is expected to return and pound Jay Cutler repeatedly, Lovie Smith is on the hot seat for having several consecutive late season fades, Matt Forte might have negative yardage against the Pack defense, Brian Urlacher’s absence makes the Bears D vulnerable up the middle, and the Bears haven’t beaten the Packers in a meaningful game since the Majikowski era. Still, the Bears should win 45-10.
Des: Sally McChesty, we asked you to pose for our calendar to raise money for the expenses incurred by this pregame spectacular. How’s it coming?
SMC: Des, the pin-up calendar might sell better if it didn’t also contain the hideous visages of Captain Redbeard, Modre, the Prissy Minion, and especially the seven months of unspeakable things done to Drunky McDumbAss while he’s passed out.
Des: Modre. What “transcendently” nonsensical quote do you have for us?
Modre: Your famed crooner Leonard Cohen said it best, “I’ve seen the future, brother: it is murder.”
Des: He also said something to the effect of, “Despite all the tragedies and horrors, there is still a small, silly, irrelevant voice that says: There ain’t no cure for love.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fnf4yuXg0ek
Des: Welcome to another edition of the Chicago Bears football pre-game show. The Bears face off against their arch-nemesis the Green Bay Packers after a difficult loss to the Minnesota Vikings. Will the Bears finally find the key to defeating the Green Bay Packers? Or will five interceptions that result in no points be the greatest gift Bears fans can expect to receive? To answer these and similar questions is our panel of experts: Concord Wainwright Peabody, Captain Silas Charles “Dog Star” Redbeard, Modre the trans-Western guru, the Prissy Minion, and this year’s sexy Mrs. Claus, Sally McChesty,
SR: ARRRH, mateys! Well, Des, like the legendary Brett Favre, I’ve “started” every game on this particular broadcast since 2002. But, also, like good old Number 4, I’m getting old and tired and forcing the comedic ball too many times only to be intercepted repeatedly. Therefore, Bears win 22-21.
Des: Concord Peabody. Who will win today’s game?
CWP: Well, Des, on paper, everything seems to be against the Bears today: Clay Matthews is expected to return and pound Jay Cutler repeatedly, Lovie Smith is on the hot seat for having several consecutive late season fades, Matt Forte might have negative yardage against the Pack defense, Brian Urlacher’s absence makes the Bears D vulnerable up the middle, and the Bears haven’t beaten the Packers in a meaningful game since the Majikowski era. Still, the Bears should win 45-10.
Des: Sally McChesty, we asked you to pose for our calendar to raise money for the expenses incurred by this pregame spectacular. How’s it coming?
SMC: Des, the pin-up calendar might sell better if it didn’t also contain the hideous visages of Captain Redbeard, Modre, the Prissy Minion, and especially the seven months of unspeakable things done to Drunky McDumbAss while he’s passed out.
Des: Modre. What “transcendently” nonsensical quote do you have for us?
Modre: Your famed crooner Leonard Cohen said it best, “I’ve seen the future, brother: it is murder.”
Des: He also said something to the effect of, “Despite all the tragedies and horrors, there is still a small, silly, irrelevant voice that says: There ain’t no cure for love.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fnf4yuXg0ek
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Bears vs. Vikings: 12-9-2012
BEARS VS. VIKINGS: 12-9-2012
Des: Welcome to another edition of the Chicago Bears football pre-game show. The Bears face off against the Minnesota Vikings after a difficult loss to the Seattle Seahawks. Will the Bears be defense be able to play four, maybe five, quarters of football? Or will Jay Cutler be forced to run 1000 yards and score 50 points all by himself before being repeatedly crushed into a pile of goo, forcing the Bears to pick up a college rookie at quarterback, or… shudder… Tim Tebow? To answer these and similar questions is our panel of experts: Concord Wainwright Peabody, Captain Silas Charles “King Midas in Reverse” Redbeard, Modre the trans-Western guru, Sally McChesty, and the clown prince of tailgate land, Drunky McDumbAss.
SR: ARRRH, mateys! I already mocked the Vikings two weeks ago, so it’s time for me to enter me own personal Hall of Shame as I review my picks for 2012. I chose the Jets to win the AFC East, but, hey, they be in second place… with a 5-7 record. Then there be the Titans, Cardinals, and Chargers, who should have won their divisions, but now languish in the Sargasso Sea of 4-8 records. Finally, there be the Philadelphia Eagles, who be the biggest disappointment to me since the Weather Channel’s attempt to name snowstorms like they do hurricanes failed to catch on. I still have a T-shirt that says “I survived Snowstorm Athena.”
Des: Concord Peabody. Who will win today’s game?
CWP: Well, Des, the Vikings are 5-1 at home, Brian Urlacher is out with an injured hamstring, wide receiver Earl Bennett is out with a concussion, a shoulder injury has sidelined cornerback Tim Jennings, Adrian Peterson continues to get better, and the offensive line couldn’t stop a four year child on a Big Wheel. That said, the Bears will still win 30-10.
Des: Drunky McDumb-Ass. How are things going in tailgate land?
DMD: Des, I keep pointing the label of my Bud Light bottle at the TV to make the Two Broke Girls commercial funny, but it ain’t working.
Des: Sally McChesty, we assigned you to watch the global radar to see if Santa has left the North Pole to deliver toys to good boys and girls. How’s that coming along?
SMC: Des, do you put any thought into these puff pieces? Christmas Eve isn’t for another 15 days. You might want to give Seattle a heads-up that a North Korean nuclear missile is heading their way, though.
Des: Modre. What insights do you have to share with us?
Modre: None that are worthy to share with your audience. But speaking of your “season of giving”, there is indeed a War on Christmas that I am waging, but it’s more passive-aggressive. Expect to receive 20 empty gift cards in the mail soon.
Des: Prissy Minion. What weirdly stalker-esque comments do you have to impart upon me today?
PM: Des, once again, you display an amiable sentimentality with loads of Jimmy Stewart-style character, in that you stammer a lot. Your lasting magnetism draws comedy from your cast of characters like mistletoe summons drunken oafs to make a horrible, horrible mistake that will take days, maybe weeks to undo.
Des: Somehow, I find that oddly reassuring… sit back and watch as the Bears face off in a game brought to you by the CBS lineup of Roseanne and Alice. I’m sorry; I meant to say Mike and Molly and Two Broke Girls.
Des: Welcome to another edition of the Chicago Bears football pre-game show. The Bears face off against the Minnesota Vikings after a difficult loss to the Seattle Seahawks. Will the Bears be defense be able to play four, maybe five, quarters of football? Or will Jay Cutler be forced to run 1000 yards and score 50 points all by himself before being repeatedly crushed into a pile of goo, forcing the Bears to pick up a college rookie at quarterback, or… shudder… Tim Tebow? To answer these and similar questions is our panel of experts: Concord Wainwright Peabody, Captain Silas Charles “King Midas in Reverse” Redbeard, Modre the trans-Western guru, Sally McChesty, and the clown prince of tailgate land, Drunky McDumbAss.
SR: ARRRH, mateys! I already mocked the Vikings two weeks ago, so it’s time for me to enter me own personal Hall of Shame as I review my picks for 2012. I chose the Jets to win the AFC East, but, hey, they be in second place… with a 5-7 record. Then there be the Titans, Cardinals, and Chargers, who should have won their divisions, but now languish in the Sargasso Sea of 4-8 records. Finally, there be the Philadelphia Eagles, who be the biggest disappointment to me since the Weather Channel’s attempt to name snowstorms like they do hurricanes failed to catch on. I still have a T-shirt that says “I survived Snowstorm Athena.”
Des: Concord Peabody. Who will win today’s game?
CWP: Well, Des, the Vikings are 5-1 at home, Brian Urlacher is out with an injured hamstring, wide receiver Earl Bennett is out with a concussion, a shoulder injury has sidelined cornerback Tim Jennings, Adrian Peterson continues to get better, and the offensive line couldn’t stop a four year child on a Big Wheel. That said, the Bears will still win 30-10.
Des: Drunky McDumb-Ass. How are things going in tailgate land?
DMD: Des, I keep pointing the label of my Bud Light bottle at the TV to make the Two Broke Girls commercial funny, but it ain’t working.
Des: Sally McChesty, we assigned you to watch the global radar to see if Santa has left the North Pole to deliver toys to good boys and girls. How’s that coming along?
SMC: Des, do you put any thought into these puff pieces? Christmas Eve isn’t for another 15 days. You might want to give Seattle a heads-up that a North Korean nuclear missile is heading their way, though.
Des: Modre. What insights do you have to share with us?
Modre: None that are worthy to share with your audience. But speaking of your “season of giving”, there is indeed a War on Christmas that I am waging, but it’s more passive-aggressive. Expect to receive 20 empty gift cards in the mail soon.
Des: Prissy Minion. What weirdly stalker-esque comments do you have to impart upon me today?
PM: Des, once again, you display an amiable sentimentality with loads of Jimmy Stewart-style character, in that you stammer a lot. Your lasting magnetism draws comedy from your cast of characters like mistletoe summons drunken oafs to make a horrible, horrible mistake that will take days, maybe weeks to undo.
Des: Somehow, I find that oddly reassuring… sit back and watch as the Bears face off in a game brought to you by the CBS lineup of Roseanne and Alice. I’m sorry; I meant to say Mike and Molly and Two Broke Girls.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Bears vs. Seahawks: 12-2-2012
BEARS VS. SEAHAWKS: 12-2-2012
Des: Welcome to another edition of the Chicago Bears football pre-game show. The Bears face off against the Seahawks after a mighty drubbing of the Minnesota Vikings. Will the Bears build on this triumph to shellac another hapless team, or will this prove to be a trap game that results in every franchise Bears player getting injured? To answer these and similar questions is our panel of experts: Concord Wainwright Peabody, Captain Silas Charles “Sea Doggie Dogg” Redbeard, Modre the trans-Western guru, Sally McChesty, and Mr. 0.5 himself, Drunky McDumbAss.
SR: ARRRH, mateys! Much like last week, ye might falsely assume that I’d be blindly supporting the Seahawks, because they have the word “sea” as part of their name, and so I’d spasmodically slap my one good hand into me hook like a seal flapping its flippers, but, nay! There be nothing I can support about Seattle other than it’s presumably an easy town for ocean-based looting if the stereotypes about lethargic, apathetic Seattle grunge slackers from the 1990s still ring true today, like the music of Soundgarden still serves as me person anthem! There be nothing wrong about songs that sound like 6 to 10 minutes of just… intro! That be how I drove many coastal towns into surrender, by just parking a fleet of ships proudly waving the Jolly Roger, and staring menacingly at the land-lubbers until they’d give into our demands just to make us leave. That and playing Soundgarden loudly through our concert stadium speakers for 96 consecutive hours. Speaking of Bears football, which I started talking about when I first opened this case of Jamaican rum, which I’m just now finishing… uh, anyway… that’s what the Bears defense needs to win, an endless loop of Soundgarden, which is itself an endless loop, so you have a nice exponential multiplier effect of despair happening… but there’s probably a pretty substantial penalty for this musical crime against humanity, like a 50 fathom penalty, and an automatic keel-hauling.
Des: Concord Peabody. Who will win today’s game?
CWP: Well, Des, the Seahawks have the strong cornerback duo of Richard Sherman and Brandon Bower, Matt Forte’s ankle is still banged up, and Jay Cutler is under the pitiless glare of the media spotlight. That said, the Bears will still emerge on top 58-10 at the end of the first quarter.
Des: Drunky McDumb-Ass. How are things going in tailgate land?
DMD: Des, I just spent the night shirtless while two men flanked me on both sides yelling insults at me, wiping me down while I’m eating painfully hot wings and knocking back some smooth drinking Bud Light, but I’m 100% hetero. There’s nothing wrong with a little manly humiliation. Just ask my imaginary ex-girlfriend.
Des: So, wait, Drunky… the best you can imagine for yourself is an ex-girlfriend?
DMD: I have self-esteem issues.
Des: Sally McChesty, we sent you down to a “Toys for Tots” event featuring former NFL legend Ron Shambles. How did it go?
SMC: Usually, Des, there’s nothing like a good Christmas-oriented photo op of yourself giving gifts to children to wipe away the normally indelible stains of one’s numerous crimes against property, basic human decency, and war orphans. Unless you go on a steroid fueled rampage and use your size 20 work boots to grind into dust some action figures of your own teammates. Which is what Ron Shambles did today at the Ronald McDonald House.
Des: Modre. Would you like to chime in here?
Modre: Are you referring to the “clanging chimes of doom” mentioned in your holiday flavor-ite Do They Know it’s Christmas? To answer that question, Des, I know all too well, my unenlightened yuletide besotted friend. All too well.
Des: Prissy Minion. What chalkboard-scraping praise do you have to bestow upon me this first weekend of December?
PM: Des, your Christmas episodes bring you to the depths of George Bailey on the bridge, Charlie Brown’s dead tree, shunned Rudolph, dead Tiny Tim, and melted Frosty sadness, but then bring us back to the joyous heights of Zu-Zu’s petals, Linus’s blanket, Santa’s acceptance (because Rudolph was briefly useful), the winter breeze that restored Frosty, and naked dancing Scrooge. You breathe new life into a depleted Christmas genre.
Des: Wait... naked, dancing Scrooge? I’ll have to think about, and then repress, that for a while… sit back and watch as the Bears face off in a game as magical as Bad Santa. And I mean that with no trace of irony.
Des: Welcome to another edition of the Chicago Bears football pre-game show. The Bears face off against the Seahawks after a mighty drubbing of the Minnesota Vikings. Will the Bears build on this triumph to shellac another hapless team, or will this prove to be a trap game that results in every franchise Bears player getting injured? To answer these and similar questions is our panel of experts: Concord Wainwright Peabody, Captain Silas Charles “Sea Doggie Dogg” Redbeard, Modre the trans-Western guru, Sally McChesty, and Mr. 0.5 himself, Drunky McDumbAss.
SR: ARRRH, mateys! Much like last week, ye might falsely assume that I’d be blindly supporting the Seahawks, because they have the word “sea” as part of their name, and so I’d spasmodically slap my one good hand into me hook like a seal flapping its flippers, but, nay! There be nothing I can support about Seattle other than it’s presumably an easy town for ocean-based looting if the stereotypes about lethargic, apathetic Seattle grunge slackers from the 1990s still ring true today, like the music of Soundgarden still serves as me person anthem! There be nothing wrong about songs that sound like 6 to 10 minutes of just… intro! That be how I drove many coastal towns into surrender, by just parking a fleet of ships proudly waving the Jolly Roger, and staring menacingly at the land-lubbers until they’d give into our demands just to make us leave. That and playing Soundgarden loudly through our concert stadium speakers for 96 consecutive hours. Speaking of Bears football, which I started talking about when I first opened this case of Jamaican rum, which I’m just now finishing… uh, anyway… that’s what the Bears defense needs to win, an endless loop of Soundgarden, which is itself an endless loop, so you have a nice exponential multiplier effect of despair happening… but there’s probably a pretty substantial penalty for this musical crime against humanity, like a 50 fathom penalty, and an automatic keel-hauling.
Des: Concord Peabody. Who will win today’s game?
CWP: Well, Des, the Seahawks have the strong cornerback duo of Richard Sherman and Brandon Bower, Matt Forte’s ankle is still banged up, and Jay Cutler is under the pitiless glare of the media spotlight. That said, the Bears will still emerge on top 58-10 at the end of the first quarter.
Des: Drunky McDumb-Ass. How are things going in tailgate land?
DMD: Des, I just spent the night shirtless while two men flanked me on both sides yelling insults at me, wiping me down while I’m eating painfully hot wings and knocking back some smooth drinking Bud Light, but I’m 100% hetero. There’s nothing wrong with a little manly humiliation. Just ask my imaginary ex-girlfriend.
Des: So, wait, Drunky… the best you can imagine for yourself is an ex-girlfriend?
DMD: I have self-esteem issues.
Des: Sally McChesty, we sent you down to a “Toys for Tots” event featuring former NFL legend Ron Shambles. How did it go?
SMC: Usually, Des, there’s nothing like a good Christmas-oriented photo op of yourself giving gifts to children to wipe away the normally indelible stains of one’s numerous crimes against property, basic human decency, and war orphans. Unless you go on a steroid fueled rampage and use your size 20 work boots to grind into dust some action figures of your own teammates. Which is what Ron Shambles did today at the Ronald McDonald House.
Des: Modre. Would you like to chime in here?
Modre: Are you referring to the “clanging chimes of doom” mentioned in your holiday flavor-ite Do They Know it’s Christmas? To answer that question, Des, I know all too well, my unenlightened yuletide besotted friend. All too well.
Des: Prissy Minion. What chalkboard-scraping praise do you have to bestow upon me this first weekend of December?
PM: Des, your Christmas episodes bring you to the depths of George Bailey on the bridge, Charlie Brown’s dead tree, shunned Rudolph, dead Tiny Tim, and melted Frosty sadness, but then bring us back to the joyous heights of Zu-Zu’s petals, Linus’s blanket, Santa’s acceptance (because Rudolph was briefly useful), the winter breeze that restored Frosty, and naked dancing Scrooge. You breathe new life into a depleted Christmas genre.
Des: Wait... naked, dancing Scrooge? I’ll have to think about, and then repress, that for a while… sit back and watch as the Bears face off in a game as magical as Bad Santa. And I mean that with no trace of irony.
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