BEARS VS. PACKERS: 12-16-2012
Des: Welcome to another edition of the Chicago Bears football pre-game show. The Bears face off against their arch-nemesis the Green Bay Packers after a difficult loss to the Minnesota Vikings. Will the Bears finally find the key to defeating the Green Bay Packers? Or will five interceptions that result in no points be the greatest gift Bears fans can expect to receive? To answer these and similar questions is our panel of experts: Concord Wainwright Peabody, Captain Silas Charles “Dog Star” Redbeard, Modre the trans-Western guru, the Prissy Minion, and this year’s sexy Mrs. Claus, Sally McChesty,
SR: ARRRH, mateys! Well, Des, like the legendary Brett Favre, I’ve “started” every game on this particular broadcast since 2002. But, also, like good old Number 4, I’m getting old and tired and forcing the comedic ball too many times only to be intercepted repeatedly. Therefore, Bears win 22-21.
Des: Concord Peabody. Who will win today’s game?
CWP: Well, Des, on paper, everything seems to be against the Bears today: Clay Matthews is expected to return and pound Jay Cutler repeatedly, Lovie Smith is on the hot seat for having several consecutive late season fades, Matt Forte might have negative yardage against the Pack defense, Brian Urlacher’s absence makes the Bears D vulnerable up the middle, and the Bears haven’t beaten the Packers in a meaningful game since the Majikowski era. Still, the Bears should win 45-10.
Des: Sally McChesty, we asked you to pose for our calendar to raise money for the expenses incurred by this pregame spectacular. How’s it coming?
SMC: Des, the pin-up calendar might sell better if it didn’t also contain the hideous visages of Captain Redbeard, Modre, the Prissy Minion, and especially the seven months of unspeakable things done to Drunky McDumbAss while he’s passed out.
Des: Modre. What “transcendently” nonsensical quote do you have for us?
Modre: Your famed crooner Leonard Cohen said it best, “I’ve seen the future, brother: it is murder.”
Des: He also said something to the effect of, “Despite all the tragedies and horrors, there is still a small, silly, irrelevant voice that says: There ain’t no cure for love.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fnf4yuXg0ek
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1 comment:
I don't have any opinion on this game, this season, or, in fact, this sport (if sport it be) ... I'm just tuning in to say this: D'yer Mak'er Finley. That is all.
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