Bears vs. Cowboys: 9-19-10

BEARS VS. COWBOYS: 9-19-10

Des: Welcome to the first edition of the Chicago Bears football post-game show. The Bears upset the Dallas Cowboys, a team many experts picked to go to the Super-bowl this year. And by “experts”, I mean one drunk guy in a stench-ridden dive. What were the Bears’ “Keys to Victory”, brought to you by General Motors? To answer these and similar questions is our panel of experts: Concord Wainwright Peabody, Captain Silas Charles “Chick Repellant” Red-beard, Modre the trans-Western guru, the Prissy Minion, and tailgater extraordinaire, Drunky McDumb-Ass.

SR: ARRRH, mateys! I’ll tell ye what General Motors’ Key to Victory is: massive government bailouts. (Long pause) What? That joke slayed many a land-lubber on the Glenn Beck Show yesterday.

Des: Thanks, Captain. Timely commentary, as always. Drunky McDumb-Ass. What did you see on last Sunday’s game?

DMD: Des, sorry to say, I was passed out drunk after eating sixteen Jello shots off of my massive, massive tummy. Uh, I mean stomach! Gut! Flesh kegger!

Des: Modre. How will the Bears do against Green Bay?

Modre: The answer is out there, Des, and it's looking for you, and it will find you if you want it to.

Des: O…Kay. Concord Peabody. What was the Bears’ key to victory?

CWP: Des, the Bears are 7-4 lifetime against teams who play in a stadium that costs more than the Gross Domestic Product of five former Soviet republics. Or five states in the American South. Go Bears!

Des: Prissy Minion. How do you want to finish this off?

PM: Oh, Des. Outdated political references + reworked Simpsons quotes + Matrix references = Pure comedic genius

Des: We hope you enjoyed the first ever Bears Redbeard Post-Game Show and please join us for this season’s first Bears Redbeard Pre-Game Show where we’ll light a cheese-head hat on fire to keep ourselves warm inside frozen Curly Lambeau Field.