Bears vs. Vikings: 11-30-08

BEARS VS. VIKINGS: 11-30-08

Des: Welcome to another edition of the Chicago Bears football pre-game show. The Bears face off against the Vikings after destroying the Rams. Will Chicago stand tall and proud as the sole leader of the NFC North with a 7-5 record? Or will Minnesota’s offense power them through Bears’ injury-plagued defense?

To answer these and similar questions is our panel of experts: Concord Wainwright Peabody, Captain Silas Charles “Joey-Joe-Joe-Shabadoo” Red-beard, Modre the trans-Western guru, the Prissy Minion, and, providing a dead scientist’s perspective, Albert Einstein.

SR: ARRRH, mateys! There be no better way to spend $2 million in ransom for a French luxury yacht than me football “picks to click”. I select Miami over the Rams, the Colts defeat the Browns, and the Panthers tear up the Packers. I choose the 49ers as me “upset” pick over the Bills.

Des: Concord Peabody. Who will win today’s Bears game?

CP: Well, the Bears are 12-4 against teams in states governed by former comedians, professional wrestlers, and other failed entertainers. Go Bears!

Des: Modre. What are your thoughts?

Modre: In the NFC North, you don’t have to be good, just good… enough.

Des: Albert Einstein. Stab at the heart of truth for us.

AE: Guten tag, meine kameraden. "Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent.” And, if you’re Fox Sports, more pointless and pseudo patriotic.

Des: Prissy Minion. What now?

PM: Oh, Des. I can see why genderanalyzer.com said there was a 62% chance that this website was written by a woman.

Des: Sit back and watch with your bucket of Bud as the Bears face off in a battle that will renew your Spirit of Christmas with a combination of violence and commercialism not seen since “Chuck Norris Saves Christmas”.