BEARS VS. RAMS: 11-24-13
Des: Welcome to another
edition of the Chicago Bears football pre-game show. The Bears face off against
the St. Louis Rams after a difficult victory against the Baltimore Ravens
spanning 8 hours and three natural disasters. Will the Bears grind out another
win against yet another team without a professional quarterback? Or will the
Beard have to meander their way into the wild card round with an 8-8 record,
squeaking past the Packers and stepping over the Vikings?
To answer these and similar questions is our panel of
experts: Concord Wainwright Peabody, Captain Silas Charles “Piranha Chow” Red-beard,
Modre- the trans-Western guru, the Prissy Minion, and Doctor Sally McChesty.
Redbeard: ARRRH, mateys! Both
the Bears and Rams stride into glorious battle without a strong quarterback to
lead them. As one whose unsuccessful struggles against alcoholism have left
many a crew leaderless at crucial moments, I have one piece of advice for both
teams: crash your ships against your foes and unleash boundless plunder and
booty! But then that be me solution to every problem. Besides drinking.
Also, Des, as
last week’s game showed, the Bears are 1-0 when the entire state of Illinois is destroyed by
12 billion tornadoes. I will therefore combine me weather and sports prediction
skills by predicting that the Bears will win every game this season in which a
winter storm named by the Weather Channel is heading in the direction of the
city in which they are playing, which will be every remaining game this
season. The Bears better watch out for
Winter Storm Falstaff when they play the Packers December 29.
Des: Modre, what are your
thoughts?
Modre: JFK, blown away, what
else do I have to say?
Des: Too soon, Modre, too
soon. Doctor McChesty. Do you have any thoughts on the Richie Incognito controversy?
SMC: No, but I have noticed
that Styx, REO Speedwagon, and Foghat are doing a benefit for the victims of the tornadoes from last weekend. That might actually be a good career move for them, to just be a group of bands that appear right after weather disasters. That would be a step up from appearing at various suburban summer festivals.
Des: Sit back and watch, sports fans, as the Bears face off in a match that will determine
how quickly the St. Louis Rams fade into the mists of history... or move back to Los Angeles!
1 comment:
Can Bears fans even tell the difference between Styx and REO? Since they still can't tell the difference between McCown and McNown, I'm guessing no.
Also, how can you have a tornado benefit concert without Kansas? And, for that matter, Toto?
Post a Comment