Bears vs. Packers: 12-13-09

BEARS VS. PACKERS: 12-13-09

Des: Welcome to another edition of the Chicago Bears football pre-game show. The Bears face off against the Packers after defeating the Rams in a win that was almost convincing. Can the Bears beat a team with a winning record? Or will they need to wait until January 3rd, when they play the Detroit Lions, the gift that keeps on giving?

To answer these and similar questions is our panel of experts: Concord Wainwright Peabody, Captain Silas Charles “the Undertaker” Red-beard, Modre the trans-Western guru, the Prissy Minion, and avatar of Christmas cheer, Santa Claus.

SR: ARRRH, mateys! This week’s “Pick to Bet a Ukrainian Ransom On…”

Des: Captain, that’s an awkward title, isn’t it?

SR: You know what else would be really awkward? A keel-hauling, which you’ll be facing shortly.

Des: Again with the keel-haulings. If it’s not keel-haulings, it’s plank walkings, tasting your steely blade, drawing and quartering, or drinking your chum bucket. What else have you got, Captain?

SR: That’s a challenge ye don’t want me to be accepting, land-lubber, particularly given your penchant for drinking hard liquor. Anyway, me “can’t miss” pick is the Detroit Lions defeating the Baltimore Ravens. I see the Lions running the table at the end of the season.

Des: Good luck with that one. Santa Claus. Your thoughts about the Bears.

Santa: Oh, ho, ho, ho! I’ve renamed my reindeer after all of the Bears’ successful quarterbacks: On McMahon! On Kramer! (Long pause) I’ll get back to you on that one.

Des: Concord Peabody. Could you end this on a positive note?

CWP: The Bears win 65% of the time when they remember to put 11 men on the field.

Des: Sit back and watch as the Bears grapple in a game brought to you by “Droid”, which, since I have no idea what it is from the commercials, I’m assuming is a robot army out to enslave us all!