Bears vs. Seahawks: 9-27-09

BEARS VS. SEAHAWKS: 9-27-09

Des: Welcome to another edition of the Chicago Bears football pre-game show. The Bears face off against the Seattle Seahawks after a dramatic victory against the Super-bowl champion Pittsburgh Steelers. Will the Bears be able to effectively use their momentum to establish a winning streak? Or will Brian Urlacher and his shattered wrist be forced to make five turnovers all by his lonesome?

To answer these and similar questions is our panel of experts: Concord Wainwright Peabody, Captain Silas Charles Psychedelic Panther Red-beard, Modre the trans-Western guru, the Prissy Minion, and former NBA legend Michael Jordan.

SR: ARRRH, mateys! Free of charge, I be providing the Bears valuable advice by applying successful pirate strategies to football. Abandon the Wildcat offense and the shotgun formation. Instead, use the “Cat o’ nine tails” offense to bedevil your opponents. It’s a nine-receiver set. Trust me, it worked against the HMS Pinafore.

Des: Concord Peabody. Your thoughts.

CP: The Bears’ lightning-fast special teams and three-dimensional offense remind me of the time I was a grave robber and…

Des: Modre. What are your thoughts?

Modre: In Japan, September 21st was keiro no hi, or Respect for the Aged Day, and so we must honor Brett Favre… while also seeking to destroy him!

Des: Michael Jordan. Your impressions.

MJ: “Tex [Winter] reminded me that there’s no ‘I’ in team… I said, ‘There’s an ‘I’ in win. So whichever way you want it.”

Des: Okay, then. Prissy Minion. Take this somewhere.

PM: Anyway you want it, Des, that’s the way you need it.

Des: Thanks, Steve Perry. Sit back and watch as the Bears draw a line in the sand… and then build a sand castle with a cute little moat :)