Bears vs. Packers: 12-22-08

BEARS VS. PACKERS: 12-22-08

Des: Welcome to another edition of the Chicago Bears football pre-game show. The Bears face off against the Packers in a must-win game (assuming the Vikings don’t win on Sunday). Can the Bears take advantage of a Green Bay team still struggling to fill the hole left by the tragic departure of Brett Favre? Or will Chicago be forced to endure the eternal, icy vengeance of Mr. Freeze without the distraction of post-season football?

To answer these and similar questions is our panel of experts: Concord Wainwright Peabody, Captain Silas Charles “Sasha Fierce” Red-beard, Modre the trans-Western guru, the Prissy Minion, and, the evil magician from “Frosty the snowman”, Professor Hinkle.

SR: ARRRH, mateys! Like Matt Forte, me right toe is throbbin’ painfully. Therefore, I foresee the Bears running the table like me pirate armada knifed through the United Nations’ blockade of the Horn of Africa. Wait, that ended in tragedy for all involved. Disregard that prediction.

Des: Concord Peabody. Who will win today’s Bears game?

CP: Well, the Bears are 8-6 this year against teams in cities on the brink of economic disaster. Go Bears!

Des: Modre. What are your thoughts?

Modre: As Deng Xiaoping once said, “It doesn't matter if a cat is black or white, so long as it catches mice.” Does this mean the return of Rex Grossman is in the cards? No.

Des: Professor Hinkle. What are your thoughts?

PH: I must get that hat back! Think nasty, think nasty, think nasty!

Des: Now you go home and write "I am very sorry for what I did to Frosty" a hundred zillion times. And then maybe - just maybe, mind you - you'll find something in your stocking tomorrow morning. Prissy Minion. Your thoughts.

PM: Oh, Des. You are the true spirit of Christmas.

Des: Sit back and watch with your “Mike Singletary for Governor” T-shirt as the Bears face off in a match that will save Christmas in the only way possible… through violence.