Bears vs. Falcons: 10-12-08

BEARS VS. FALCONS: 10-12-08

Des: Welcome to another edition of the Chicago Bears football pre-game show. The Bears face off against the Atlanta Falcons, another team that has feasted on weaker opponents. Will the Bears build on their merciless slaughter of the Detroit Lions? Or will Ron Turner’s “no coast” offense result in “no points” for the Bears?

To answer these and similar questions is our panel of experts: Concord Wainwright Peabody, Captain Silas Charles “Brangelina” Red-beard, Modre the trans-Western guru, the Prissy Minion, and, providing a dead scientist’s perspective, Albert Einstein.

SR: ARRRH, mateys! The mariner’s curse has turned its malevolent eye on the Detroit Lions. What can they do to reverse their tragic fate? Nothing! AH, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA! AH, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA! BWAH, HA, HA, HA, HA, HAAAA!!!!!

Des: Thank you, Captain Maniacal. Who will win, Concord Peabody?

CP: Well, the Bears are 70-45 when it’s raining. Unfortunately, it’s bone dry. Go Bears!

Des: Modre. What are your thoughts?

Modre: When you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.

Des: Thank you, Crosby, Stills, Nash, and loser. Albert Einstein. Your impressions.

AE: Guten tag, meine herren. "You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this?” And don’t get me started on the Internet, with its tubes and what not.

Des: Prissy Minion. What must the Bears do?

PM: Love like you’ve never been hurt, sing like no one is listening, and dance like no one is watching. Except I am watching you, Des.

Des: Sit back and watch as the Bears play in a series of games that will give you hope in November, but lead to bitter disappointment in January—like the upcoming election.