Bears vs. Saints: 10-6-2013

BEARS VS. SAINTS: 10-6-13


Des: Welcome to another edition of the Chicago Bears football pre-game show. The Bears face off against the New Orleans Saints after a tough loss against the Detroit Lions. Will the Bears pick themselves up and resume their winning ways? Or has Jay Cutler already grown immune to Dr. Marc Trestman’s competence serum?

To answer these and similar questions is our panel of experts: Concord Wainwright Peabody, Captain Silas Charles “Aqua Satan” Red-beard, Modre- the trans-Western guru, the Prissy Minion, and Doctor Sally Quincy McChesty.

SR: ARRRH, mateys! Let’s take a peek at how me Treasure Map to the Superbowl is guiding ye, the trusting landlubber gambler, to untold wealth and riches that make e’en the shining citadels of Richie Rich’s playhouses 179 through 562 pale in comparison. Me Superbowl picks continue to rock the free world, with the Colts leading their division with a 3-1 record and the Seahawks be undefeated. Me AFC wild card picks, the Broncos and Patriots, have also emerged undefeated so far. The Dolphins are respectable so far with a 3-1 record, and the Bengals and Chargers still have a chance with 2-2 records. The NFC continues to befuddle me: The Bears, my first wild card pick have a respectable showing with 3-1, but the Falcons have a 1-3 record, and my remaining three divisional picks are terrible: the Giants are 0-4, the Vikings are 1-3, and the Panthers are 1-2. Father Poseidon, why have you forsaken me?!?!?

Des: Presumably, it’s because of your multitude of crimes against humanity, both on and off the water. By the way, Captain, kudos for your curse against the Redskins that didn’t even last one week. Modre. What fortune cookie advice do you have for us this week?

Modre: The quickest way to fall is to stand still. Of course, Jay Cutler is a very mobile quarterback, and that’s not helping him out either.

Des: Thank you, Modre. So, Doctor McChesty, what do you have for us?

SMC: Des, when will they leave Josh Freeman alone?

Des: This is the most football-focused post we’ve had in a while. Prissy Minion, take us off track, won’t you?

PM: Des, your stadium sized comedy insights and menacing undertones never fail to lighten my mood.

Des: Sit back and watch as the Bears face off in a game against a city that narrowly avoided being destroyed again by another “K” hurricane--- and, no, those aren’t comedy “k” sounds you’re hearing.