BEARS VS. CARDINALS: 11-8-09
Des: Welcome to another edition of the Chicago Bears football pre-game show. The Bears face off against their cross-town rivals, the Arizona Cardinals. Will the Bears be able to make their offense function smoothly, like a well-oiled machine? Or will they fly apart into a million pieces, like the infamous aluminum engines of the 1974 Chevy Vega?
To respond to these and similar obscure, poorly constructed metaphors is our panel of experts: Concord Wainwright Peabody, Captain Silas Charles “Livingston Seagull” Red-beard, Modre the trans-Western guru, the Prissy Minion, and famed dead celebrity Kurt Cobain.
SR: ARRRH, mateys! Though the Bears emerged victorious against the hapless Cleveland Browns, ‘tis too soon to crown them Super-bowl champions. What must the Bears do to win the NFC North? I suggest the “bilge rat” pass rush defense, where ye swarm all over the quarterback like a pack of… well, ye gets the idea. This would be particularly effective against the “Cheese-head” Green Bay Packers.
Des: Concord Peabody. Your thoughts.
CP: The Bears’ smothering defense and suffocating kickoff return coverage remind me of the time I worked for the "waste management business" and...
Des: Modre. What should the Bears do?
Modre: George Bernard Shaw once said, “For every complex problem, there is a simple solution that is wrong.” Still, I recommend using the "Wildcat" offense.
Des: Kurt Cobain. Your thoughts.
KC: “If you ever need anything please don't hesitate to ask someone else first."
Des: Okay, then. Prissy Minion. Your final thought.
PM: Oh, Des. Bears Sunday without your broadcasts is like a broken pencil--- pointless.
Des: Sit back and watch as the Bears grapple in a game brought to you by the return of "V: the Visitors", which is in no way connected to this show, even though I've used their theme song for 5 years.
Showing posts with label Wildcat offense. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Wildcat offense. Show all posts
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Bears vs. Seahawks: 9-27-09
BEARS VS. SEAHAWKS: 9-27-09
Des: Welcome to another edition of the Chicago Bears football pre-game show. The Bears face off against the Seattle Seahawks after a dramatic victory against the Super-bowl champion Pittsburgh Steelers. Will the Bears be able to effectively use their momentum to establish a winning streak? Or will Brian Urlacher and his shattered wrist be forced to make five turnovers all by his lonesome?
To answer these and similar questions is our panel of experts: Concord Wainwright Peabody, Captain Silas Charles Psychedelic Panther Red-beard, Modre the trans-Western guru, the Prissy Minion, and former NBA legend Michael Jordan.
SR: ARRRH, mateys! Free of charge, I be providing the Bears valuable advice by applying successful pirate strategies to football. Abandon the Wildcat offense and the shotgun formation. Instead, use the “Cat o’ nine tails” offense to bedevil your opponents. It’s a nine-receiver set. Trust me, it worked against the HMS Pinafore.
Des: Concord Peabody. Your thoughts.
CP: The Bears’ lightning-fast special teams and three-dimensional offense remind me of the time I was a grave robber and…
Des: Modre. What are your thoughts?
Modre: In Japan, September 21st was keiro no hi, or Respect for the Aged Day, and so we must honor Brett Favre… while also seeking to destroy him!
Des: Michael Jordan. Your impressions.
MJ: “Tex [Winter] reminded me that there’s no ‘I’ in team… I said, ‘There’s an ‘I’ in win. So whichever way you want it.”
Des: Okay, then. Prissy Minion. Take this somewhere.
PM: Anyway you want it, Des, that’s the way you need it.
Des: Thanks, Steve Perry. Sit back and watch as the Bears draw a line in the sand… and then build a sand castle with a cute little moat :)
Des: Welcome to another edition of the Chicago Bears football pre-game show. The Bears face off against the Seattle Seahawks after a dramatic victory against the Super-bowl champion Pittsburgh Steelers. Will the Bears be able to effectively use their momentum to establish a winning streak? Or will Brian Urlacher and his shattered wrist be forced to make five turnovers all by his lonesome?
To answer these and similar questions is our panel of experts: Concord Wainwright Peabody, Captain Silas Charles Psychedelic Panther Red-beard, Modre the trans-Western guru, the Prissy Minion, and former NBA legend Michael Jordan.
SR: ARRRH, mateys! Free of charge, I be providing the Bears valuable advice by applying successful pirate strategies to football. Abandon the Wildcat offense and the shotgun formation. Instead, use the “Cat o’ nine tails” offense to bedevil your opponents. It’s a nine-receiver set. Trust me, it worked against the HMS Pinafore.
Des: Concord Peabody. Your thoughts.
CP: The Bears’ lightning-fast special teams and three-dimensional offense remind me of the time I was a grave robber and…
Des: Modre. What are your thoughts?
Modre: In Japan, September 21st was keiro no hi, or Respect for the Aged Day, and so we must honor Brett Favre… while also seeking to destroy him!
Des: Michael Jordan. Your impressions.
MJ: “Tex [Winter] reminded me that there’s no ‘I’ in team… I said, ‘There’s an ‘I’ in win. So whichever way you want it.”
Des: Okay, then. Prissy Minion. Take this somewhere.
PM: Anyway you want it, Des, that’s the way you need it.
Des: Thanks, Steve Perry. Sit back and watch as the Bears draw a line in the sand… and then build a sand castle with a cute little moat :)
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