BEARS VS. VIKINGS: 10-19-08
Des: Welcome to another edition of the Chicago Bears football pre-game show. The Bears face off against the Minnesota Vikings after a disappointing loss to the Falcons. Will Chicago’s two minute defense be the equal of their two minute offense? Or will the Bears continue to throw life jackets instead of coffin nails at their opponents?
To answer these and similar questions is our panel of experts: Concord Wainwright Peabody, Captain Silas Charles Horshack Red-beard, Modre the trans-Western guru, the Prissy Minion, and, providing a dead scientist’s perspective, Albert Einstein.
SR: ARRRH, mateys! Me stomach continues to churn after drinkin’ me homemade rum of molasses, laundry detergent, Kool-aid mix, and Moxie cola, so me “upset” pick is going to be the Oakland Raiders defeating the New York Jets.
Des: Concord Peabody. Who will win today’s Bears game?
CP: Well, the Bears are 17-10 when it’s the anniversary of Cornwallis’s surrender to George Washington. Go Bears!
Des: Modre. What are your thoughts?
Modre: As Tom Robbins once said, “Using words to describe magic is like using a screwdriver to cut roast beef.” Or a tur-duck-en, if you’re John Madden.
Des: Albert Einstein. Your impressions.
AE: Guten tag, meine kleinen Kinder. "Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism -- how passionately I hate them!" Except for Wayne Messmer’s “Star Spangled Banner.” Das ist eine National Treasure!
Des: Prissy Minion. What now?
PM: As Joseph Conrad said, “Words are great foes of reality.” Except your words, Des, which are delightfully illuminative.
Des: Sit back and watch as the Bears destroy their foes with a degree of thorough carnage not seen since Dr. Strange wiped out all vampires with the Montesi Formula.
Showing posts with label John Madden. Show all posts
Showing posts with label John Madden. Show all posts
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Bears vs. Buccaneers: 9-21-08
BEARS VS. BUCCANEERS: 9-21-08
Des: Welcome to another edition of the Chicago Bears football pre-game show. The Bears face off against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, a team helmed by one of thousands of quarterbacks Chicago has kicked to the curb this decade. Will the Bears be able to play four quarters of football through better conditioning and a diverse playbook? Or will the offense be forced to score 40 points in the first half?
To answer these and similar questions is our panel of experts: Concord Wainwright Peabody, Captain Silas Charles “Barbarossa” Red-beard, Modre the trans-Western guru, the Prissy Minion, and, providing a dead scientist’s perspective, Albert Einstein.
SR: ARRRH, mateys! Ye athletic representatives of Miami, Cleveland, Cincinnati, and Detroit stand accused of football incompetence before the drum-head court of Barbarossa Hayreddin Pasha, Fleet Admiral of the Ottoman Navy! Sorry if I mispronounced me own name. It’s been 500 years since I was a Turk. I decree that the Cleveland Browns will fail to win a game this season. I have spoken! Imperious Rex!
Des: Uh, Captain, didn’t you predict that the Browns will go to the Super Bowl?
SR: Aye, I hang me head in shame.
Des: Concord Peabody. Who will win?
CWP: Well, the Bears are 694-509-42 lifetime when the temperature is below Fahrenheit 451. Go Bears!
Des: Modre. What are your thoughts?
Modre: When you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.
Des: Thanks, Neil Peart. Albert Einstein. Your impressions.
AE: Mein herr, "Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen." Haben sie das verstanden, Herr Madden?
Des: Back from the dead to insult sportscasters. A valuable use of necromancy! Prissy Minion. Put an exclamation point on this madness.
PM: Interjections! For excitement! And emotion!
Des: I saw that coming. Sit back and watch as the Bears face off in a clash that pales in comparison to the Cubs’ race for the pennant.
Des: Welcome to another edition of the Chicago Bears football pre-game show. The Bears face off against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, a team helmed by one of thousands of quarterbacks Chicago has kicked to the curb this decade. Will the Bears be able to play four quarters of football through better conditioning and a diverse playbook? Or will the offense be forced to score 40 points in the first half?
To answer these and similar questions is our panel of experts: Concord Wainwright Peabody, Captain Silas Charles “Barbarossa” Red-beard, Modre the trans-Western guru, the Prissy Minion, and, providing a dead scientist’s perspective, Albert Einstein.
SR: ARRRH, mateys! Ye athletic representatives of Miami, Cleveland, Cincinnati, and Detroit stand accused of football incompetence before the drum-head court of Barbarossa Hayreddin Pasha, Fleet Admiral of the Ottoman Navy! Sorry if I mispronounced me own name. It’s been 500 years since I was a Turk. I decree that the Cleveland Browns will fail to win a game this season. I have spoken! Imperious Rex!
Des: Uh, Captain, didn’t you predict that the Browns will go to the Super Bowl?
SR: Aye, I hang me head in shame.
Des: Concord Peabody. Who will win?
CWP: Well, the Bears are 694-509-42 lifetime when the temperature is below Fahrenheit 451. Go Bears!
Des: Modre. What are your thoughts?
Modre: When you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.
Des: Thanks, Neil Peart. Albert Einstein. Your impressions.
AE: Mein herr, "Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen." Haben sie das verstanden, Herr Madden?
Des: Back from the dead to insult sportscasters. A valuable use of necromancy! Prissy Minion. Put an exclamation point on this madness.
PM: Interjections! For excitement! And emotion!
Des: I saw that coming. Sit back and watch as the Bears face off in a clash that pales in comparison to the Cubs’ race for the pennant.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)