Bears vs. Browns: 11-1-09

BEARS VS. BROWNS: 11-1-09

Des: Welcome to another edition of the Chicago Bears football pre-game show. The Bears face off against the Cleveland Browns after a heartbreaking loss to the Cincinnati Bengals. Will the Bears have an answer for Coach “Man-Genius”? And will it be something besides “better not tell you now?”

To answer these and similar questions is our panel of experts: Concord Wainwright Peabody, Captain Silas Charles “Easy Rider” Red-beard, Modre the trans-Western guru, the Prissy Minion, and famed general William Westmoreland.

SR: ARRRH, mateys! The idle speculation over whether the NFL will place a team in London or Los Angeles brings a chuckle to this ancient mariner’s heart. Why not bring a professional team to Chicago? ‘Tis a pretty big market, filled to bursting with treasure and booty even though Denver and Cincinnati have successfully plundered the Bears of its offensive talent. I myself have stolen many a treasure from the Art Institute and Museum of Broadcast History, whiling away many a lonely hour with me purloined Dirty Dragon puppet and Blob clay formation.

Des: And indeed the Bears talent has been very offensive. (Insert rim shot) Concord Peabody. Your thoughts.

CP: I still believe Lovie Smith made the right decision when he made himself defensive co-Odinator.

Des: Modre. What are your thoughts?

Modre: Isaac Asimov once said, “Violence is the refuge of the incompetent.” That’s only true for Ron Turner.

Des: General William Westmoreland. Your advice for the Bears.

GWW: “Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind.”

Des: Okay, then. Prissy Minion. Your final thought.

PM: Oh, Des. After last Sunday’s Bears game, only your broadcasts remind me that there still is a god.

Des: Sit back and watch as the Bears grapple in a game that should be totally awesome as long as Harvey Pekar can do the play by play. Or Funky Winkerbean. Either way, it’s cancer-tastic. Anyone but Cleveland Brown, the cartoon character.